Are We Ready For This?!

Throughout the past week I've been on this crazy emotional rollercoaster where I fling myself from absolutely elated to absolutely terrified. We are so excited to meet Thomas and we are praying that all will go well, that Thomas will like us and want to be a part of our family, that the visits will be positive and won't be horribly difficult for Thomas, etc, etc. There is so much that goes through your mind as you wait. I've read other women, on other blogs, panic and stress and worry their hearts out as they wait for thier child. I don't know how some of them were able to wait months after a referral to meet the ones they've been waiting their whole lives for. I can't focus on anything other than Thomas. I want to see him and touch him and make sure he is alright. I want to be the best mother in the world for him. I want him to be able to grow into a place where he actually feels like I am his mother. I am so worried about so many things. How can I parent a 10 year old when I haven't ever parented before? How will I know what he needs and wants? How will I be able to guide him and raise him to be the man God wants him to be? How much will he eat? Does he sleep okay? Does he like hugs? Does he want a mom? Will he ever feel like my son? The list goes on and on of all the things running through my head. I don't want to hurt him or let anyone else hurt him. I don't want him to feel pain and disappointment. I know these things are inevitable and I know they are a crucial part of him becoming a man, but I want to shield him anyway.

I know that God has brought Thomas into our lives. I pray that Thomas will choose us and will want to be a permanant part of our family, a Winzer forever. I know that God will give me the strength and the grace to parent a 10 year old boy. None of that changes how worried I am about him and about his life and his future and his hopes and dreams and self esteem. I feel like there aren't enough parenting books in the world to help me know how to do the very best for Thomas. Even as I typed that last sentance, I could hear the Lord speaking, there is only one parenting book I need. There is only one way to guide Thomas through this life. The Word, Jesus Christ, Prayer, Faith.

I've decided that nothing about this parenting gig is going to be easy...

INTRODUCING...

THOMAS!!!! It is a bit of a long story but I wanted to let you all know that in just about ten days, we will meet our very first son! His name is Thomas and he is ten years old. The social worker who we worked with regarding the Dynamic Duo called us and said that they had just done a staffing on a kiddo that would be perfect for our home. He told us about him and we instantly felt like Thomas was an answer to our prayers. We have asked the Lord, night after night, to send the children that He has for us. Thomas's social worker told us that the one thing Thomas really wanted was a family that was involved in church. We aren't anything, if not involved in church!

We can't wait to meet our Thomas! We've told some people about him and we can't wait to be able to tell everyone about meeting him in just ten short days. I can't believe I'm going to be a mom! It really has been amazing how God has taken our journey through so many thoughts and options and has landed us at one place we'd never really thought of. We already feel so incredibly blessed to be given the gift of Thomas and his young life. We can't wait to meet him and learn all about him and share our lives with him. We will most certainly post pictures and let you all know how it goes.

We, first and foremost, want to thank God in prayer for His faithfulness and His grace and the blessing of Thomas. We'd also like to ask that you would continue to pray for a job for Nathan. He is going for his call back interview with Coca Cola tomorrow afternoon and we are praying that the Lord would open this door. We are hoping to have the blessing of homeschooling Thomas for at least his first year with us and we can't do that without a better position for Nathan. Pray for Thomas as this is going to be a big transition for him and we know that he will have to grieve his losses of everything and everyone he knows. Pray that he would feel loved and know that he is permanent here in our home. Pray for new friends for him as well. Pray for us, that we would be the parents Thomas deserves and that we would give him grace and give ourselves grace as we all adjust to one another. Pray that our first meeting goes really well and that Thomas feels positive about us.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support! We love you!

Moving Right Along

We had our home inspection, done by the Wichita Children's Home, on Monday. It went really well. We both felt really comfortable with the two social workers who came out the house. They were both entertained by Frankie the Bulldog and his crazy sidekick, Lamar the Cat. It was interesting to say the least! :) Despite our crazy animals, our social workers liked us and were excited about having us on board. We submitted our KS criminal background check and child abuse registry check forms last week. In the mail today, our licensing packet should have arrived. (Nathan is on his way home at this moment to check on the whereabouts of said packet!) On Monday evening, we begin our seven week course, called Deciding Together, otherwise known as DT. We are both so excited!!!

Other neat pieces of news: As of next week, I will be half time at the office. Once we license I will be a full time momma but for now, I'll be working four hours a day. I'm excited about this change. It will be wonderful to have more time at home to keep things in order and more time with my church kiddos. I've really been missing them since I went to work full time. Also, through my job, I met a great artist, she is the local art teacher at the high school. She painted a wonderful mural at the Child Advocacy Center and she and I are working on the possibility of her painting murals in both bedrooms that we will be using for all the kiddos. She told me today not to worry about the money, we'd work something out, because she thought Nathan and I are doing such a great thing. I thought that was really generous of her. Her work is really beautiful and I've already got some ideas of how I'd like her to paint our rooms. Also, Nathan's grandparents apparently snagged us a really nice stroller so he's bringing that home today too. He told me that his cousin Lindsay, might have a nice convertible crib we could buy. We are wanting two convertible cribs, so that we can adjust to accommodate whatever ages of kiddos we might get. I went to a yard sale on my way to work this morning and got a bunch of little girls clothes, a crib sheet and bumper set for a girl, a neat bouncy play pen, a little boys bike, a toddler bed for a boy, and some cute little toys. I was pretty excited about those finds! And the greatest news of all for today is, Nathan finally was called for an interview with Hawker Beechcraft for the internship they wanted to create for him. He said it went really well and he expects to hear more from them sometime next week, so be praying for this job!!!

So, all in all, there is a lot happening right now. As is usually the case with our lives with God, when we're finally on His path, things move at warp speeds. It can often take us a while to figure out just where we're headed but every change seems to have brought us closer to where He wants us to be. I'm so excited about where we're at and I'm looking forward to what happens next! Be blessed all...

More Stuff

After a lot of prayer and discussion, we have decided that the dynamic duo is not the right match for our home. It was a very hard decision because these boys are desperately in need of a home. We wanted so badly to be a good match for them, but we are not. We are praying for a good home for them and we would ask that you would do the same.

Thinking about the boys and working toward a decision about them has really opened our hearts to some different things. We have a good friend, whose oldest son is in our youth group, that does emergency placement for infants and toddlers. She and her family take in these little ones for the first 72 hours of police protective custody. During that time, social workers work to find an appropriate long term placement for the child. If the child goes into care long term, the emergency placement family has the option of taking the child in for a longer period. If the parental rights are terminated for the child, then they have the opportunity to adopt the child. Our friends have adopted three of their four children this way. After some more thought and prayer, we have decided that this might be the right path for us. It would require that I stay at home and Nathan have a much better job than the one he has right now. We still have not heard anything from Hawker Beechcraft but Nathan did interview at Coca Cola yesterday morning so we are hopeful about that position. We have chosen to go through training with the agency that our friends work with, called Wichita Children's Home. We have a home inspection with one of the recruiters for the children's home on Monday evening. We are excited about this new possibility but as always are praying for God's continued leading. Thank you for keeping up with us. We love you all!

More Progress

About the middle of last week I was browsing around a webpage that has a photolisting of waiting kiddos in the Kansas foster care system. I came upon a pair of brothers who caught my attention. Of course, lots of kids catch my attention but these two in particular stayed with me. A couple of days later I sent the link to their photo and description to Nathan. The two brothers immediately caught Nathan's attention as well. We decided to call about these two and find out more information. For now, I'll refer to the boys as Batman and Robin, the Dynamic Duo. I'm sure I'll be updating lots of info on the boys but I'll try to remain as vague as possible for their privacy and protection at this point.

So far we have had two in depth conversations with social workers who know the Dynamic Duo. We have received a ton of information, all of which we are processing now. On Saturday, our first home inspection will occur as well as a meeting with the Dynamic Duo's closest case worker. We'll call the worker Bob Kane (the original Batman Artist). So Bob Kane will be coming on Saturday to discuss the Duo with us at length and answer any questions Nathan or I have. Both conversations that have occured at this point were conversations I had. It will be nice to sit down with Bob and discuss the boys with Nathan present as well. At this point we are very excited about the Duo. They are 6 and 7 years old and they have a lot of needs that we are attempting to educate ourselves on. Although we are taking their situation very seriously, we don't believe at this point that this is something we are unable to handle. Making the Duo our forever kiddos will require some really amazing life changes for Nathan and I. We are discussing these changes and how they will impact us and our marriage, our jobs, our home, our families, etc, etc. I don't have any concrete information in terms of whether or not we will be pursuing the adoption of the Duo but I can say that we are both thrilled about the two at this point and are in the process of finding out more information.

There are obviously many things we need prayer for at this time. We are praying for clarity as to whether or not the Duo are meant to be our kids. We are praying for continued success with the Hawker Beechcraft job possibility. We can't feed two growing superheros on the money we're making now so this job is the key to pursuing the Dynamic Duo. We are praying for God's will in all of this; His will for our family as well as for the Duo. We are praying for peace with whatever our decision may end up being as well as for patience throughout the process. We are praying for clarity and peace for our families and friends as we pursue the Duo. We are praying that there would be support from our entire network and that they would be as excited as we are about the possibility of adding two superheros to our family. Please be in prayer with us on all those fronts. God's will is the most important thing in this journey of ours. Please let us know if you get any good thoughts from your prayer time regarding this wonderful development.

Be Blessed!

Lets Try This One More Time

It has been 16 days since I last posted. I know that is some sort of violation of the blogger code but I couldn't help it. Well, I suppose I could have made some time but rest ashured there weren't many bits of time to choose from. I have been recently distracted by working on a new blog, theflockyouth.blogspot.com. I decided to put a blog together for our youth group so we'd have a safe online spot to keep in touch with one another. It has taken a bit of my blogging energy lately. Not to mention that I'm working one full time job (which I love, btw), volunteering at another part time (should be full time) job, attempting to fit some Jockey parties in, feeding and caring for an unbelivably wonderful husband, two dogs, and the cat (which, btw, is a male cat and not a female cat as previously posted). Oh, and did I mention the physical therapy appointments I have to go to at least twice a week for my back. I threw out my back three days before our wedding and have been dealing with that since then. Things are much better in the back situation, but I still have to go to the PT appointments until mid October. We're also adding a really neat prayer meeting format to Sunday nights so I've been working on the prep for that. All in all, I can't even really remember the last several weeks. Looking at my calendar, it doesn't appear that this level of business will be letting up anytime soon.

As for our ever changing adoption plans...There are many people in my life who won't be surprised that the plan has changed, yet again. Many of those people aren't entirely comfortable with how much change occurs in our lives. Nathan and I have a different way of dealing with our choices and which direction we are headed in than most of the people we know. We take risks and we pursue things doggedly until the Lord shuts the door. Once one door has been shut, either permanently or temporarily, we move forward in another direction until we find where we fit, or where God is asking us to fit.

On that note, everything about where we thought we were headed with our adoption has changed. We are now on a road neither one of us expected but we are both thrilled about. There have been several things that have contributed to our new path but more than that, there has been a general move of God in our hearts. Prior to Nathan's arrival in Kansas, all of our prayer time was done seperately. Our ability to have a relationship with God from a married perspective was dulled. We weren't able to seek Him as a unit, only as individuals. We hadn't really settled into our married roles nor did we have opportunities to sit face to face and discuss our feelings and thoughts. Not to mention that our feelings and thoughts were often so muddled by the situation we were in. Now that we have had a bit of time to be together and to pray together and to seek our Lord, we are feeling a sense that we must move in a new direction.

We are now actively pursuing the foster to adopt program through an agency called Youthville in Wichita. Through this program, we become licensed foster parents and a child who is in the process of having parental rights terminated will be placed with us. We will foster the child(ren) until all legal proceedings make them available for adoption. At that point, we would process through the adoption and become a forever family. This is a program that has its fair share of risk and frustrations but this is where the Lord has led so we are trusting that our child(ren) are in this program. We have already begun the process to license. We attended the orientation meeting, we are registered for our 10 week training beginning on October 16th, and our first home visit is on the 29th of September. I talked to our social worker yesterday and she said she would be surprised if we weren't licensed by the end of March. Which means that a baby could be placed in our home any time after that.

There is much to be done between now and the end of our ten week course. We have to adhere to some of the state guidelines regarding our home. We must baby proof everything, lock up all medications and knives, add another foot and a half to the fence surrounding our pool to make it at least five feet high, install fire ladders in the bedrooms, test all the fire alarms, get the dogs and cat up to date on all shots, etc, etc, etc. We will be working on decorating the baby's room at some point over the next several months as well. We have requested children aged 0-12 mos and are open to children up to 3 yrs of age if it involves a sibling group. We are willing to accept up to 3 children who are related. We are open to any race and any gender. My plans for baseball central may not work out so well, but that's fine with me. We have so much to do but it is all very very exciting.

Please be in prayer with us during this time that all would go smoothly and we would be financially prepared for whatever may pop up. Nathan had an interesting encounter yesterday evening with some people from Hawker-Beechcraft in Wichita. They were very interested in him at a job fair he attended. So interested in fact, they had a lady chase him down at the door to make sure all his contact info was in their possession. Please be praying that the Lord would lead him to the right permanent job that could allow for our family to grow. Pray that we would have paitence (yes, I said it) and that we would be prayerfully considering each step of this process. Pray for our child(ren) as it is more than possible that they are currently in the womb or living in a bad situation. Pray for wisdom for our agency and our social worker as they determine the course of our application and as they choose a child(ren) to place with us. Pray for our extended family that they would have peace about our decision to move in this direction and that they would be supportive. (Oh, btw, becoming pregnant does not affect this process at all, so we're off the BC.) Pray that all would work as God desires and that we would be good and faithful servants of His during this process. Thanks for all your paitence as I am a terrible blogger and disappear for lengths of time. I'll try to be better.

Be Blessed - K and N

Back Again

Sorry about the long periods of silence lately. All that should be over now and you all should be hearing from me a couple times a week if all goes well.

We've finally gotten settled in and we're adjusting to all the new changes in our lives. I'm into my third week at work now and I'm loving it. It feels good to have a purpose each day and to be working in an environment meant to change the lives of children for the better. It was a hard adjustment at first after several months of working odd hours at the church. It was a bit hard to get back into the 8 to 5 routine but now I'm happy with it. Routine with work has helped me get into a solid devotions routine. Nathan and I have been pretty regular with our daily devotion and prayer time together and I think it has made all the difference in a smooth transition for our relationship.

It has been an absolute joy to have Nathan home again. I keep feeling like I'm going to wake up from this dream at any moment and life will go back to the way it has been for two years. We are certainly learning to adjust to one anothers little quirks and expectations. I think we are doing incredibly well on the communications front. We've been having a lot of fun together just learning about all the neat things that go with finally sharing the same living space.

As for all the things we were looking forward to, they all went fantastic. Nathan laid the tile floor and our family room is back to being my favorite room in the house. Our friends, Jenn and Joe, came and spent a few days with us for the wedding and that was really nice. The wedding was beautiful and special and more than I even thought it would be. I was really pleased with the results of all the hard work that went into putting that event together. Huge props to my mother in law for her incredible amount of contribution to the reception!!! I promise to post pics of the whole event as soon as I have time to sort through them all. (There were something like 600 pics on the CD we got from the photographer!)

Our vacation to Vermont in August was also wonderful. The road trip was even fun times!!!

Basically, the last month and a half have been a complete blur. It was all wonderful and amazing but we are so glad its all over. The one thing Nathan and I have wanted for the past two years is to have a normal, everyday life together. It is sure starting to feel a whole lot more like normal and we are so thrilled. On that note, now that things have settled down, Nathan and I can't seem to stop talking about and longing for our son. We are enjoying our one on one time together and we know how important it is so we'll be taking several more months of time together. Our plan is to begin our adoption process, the paperwork junk, sometime just after the Christmas season has subsided. Nathan is going to be working with a buddy for a few months while he looks for a more substantial job that will have some permanacy. We're praying that he will make that transition sometime around the end of the year. Once that happens, we'll definitely get started on our paper lined road to our first baby. Right now, we are sorting out some agency questions we have and we are planning to go to our information meeting with an agency we've been looking at sometime in October. We'll keep you all up to date as things progress.

That's all for now. I'll post again real soon, I promise. For now, I'll leave you with a sweet picture of Nathan's new baby girl...

Silence

Sorry about the silence. I can't believe how busy the past few weeks have been. My last post was just before I left for Las Vegas. 48 hours after I returned from Vegas, Nathan returned from his endless deployment to Iraq. It was amazing and wonderful and I'm sure that I will post all about it in the next few days once I get my head on straight. Nathan and I spent a week getting life in order and we bought a new minivan (new to us). I'll post pics of it soon. Then we promptly headed out to Vermont to visit with my dear family there. We got home from Vermont last night and now Nathan is laying a tile floor in our basement with his buddy, Brandon. All in all, we haven't stopped in nearly four weeks. I haven't read my emails or cleaned my house or done anything normal for a very long time. One note of praise, beside the obvious joy of having my soulmate home, I finally got a full time job!!! I was offered an amazing position as intake coordinator/office manager at Sunlight Child Advocacy Center just a few minutes drive from our house. I'll be working with kids and their families who have a report of child abuse. I'm excited about the position because I get to have a direct impact in the lives of children who desperately need an advocate. I start just two days after our renewal of vows ceremony. We'll be having this big wedding in just one week so I've got a ton to do to prepare for our arriving guests. I start my job with a one week business trip to Knoxville, TN. So, if you don't hear much from me for the next two weeks it is just because the insanity of my life continues.

Update on adoption thoughts and plans: After much back and forth discussion about birth control, Nathan and I have officially decided that our baby lives in Ethiopia and we aren't interested in waiting to bring him home because we got pregnant. I got a Rx for birth control today and we will be waiting on biological children until after our sweet boy comes home. We are both already in love with him, even though we don't know just who he is yet. We were able to talk to my family in Vermont about the adoption plans and they were all very supportive and excited for us. Things are well in our world.

I'll try to post again soon. Miss you all!

The House is Finally Clean

May I suggest NOT going on a mission trip the week just prior to the return of a husband from a two year deployment!!! I leave tomorrow with ten teenagers for a week of evangelism in the City of Lights, Las Vegas. My male chaperone left a message for me yesterday indicating that he was unable to go with us due to a family emergency. That means that I will be the only chaperone with our ten teens until we arrive in Las Vegas and meet up with the YWAM team. I'm not too worried about any of it but I sure have been swamped with things to do. Nathan will be arriving in Kansas sometime very close to our return from Las Vegas. That means that I had to have everything in Nathan ready condition before I leave tomorrow. It took the help of some very loyal teens, but we got it all done. The car is detailed, the lawn is beautiful, the house is spotless, there isn't an ounce of laundry left or a single dirty dish. I am content at this moment. Nathan will walk into his home for the first time and it will be clean. All is right with the world.

I'll be on blogging vacation for the next week but I'll see you all when we return! Be blessed this week!

HE IS ON HIS WAY HOME!!!

Nathan is en route to the United States as I type this post!!!
I couldn't be more excited or more stressed right now. I leave for Las Vegas on Saturday so I've got 3 days left to get our house, car and yard in tip top shape for Nathan's arrival. I don't know yet what day he will arrive here in Kansas but it appears to be the 20th or the 21st. I return to Kansas on the 20th so I will not have any time after Las Vegas to prepare anything. I'm so wound up right now!!!

Also, today I got a call to interview for a job at Carmax as a sales associate. I interview on Thursday at 3 pm (CST). Please be praying for this interview to go well. Not only did our basement flood but our roof is now leaking so we are most definitely in need of employment! :)

And last but not least, news on the adoption front. Last week we had some issues that I won't go into here with our choice of home study agency. Those issues led us to make the decision to choose an adoption agency with the ability to do our homestudy in the state of Kansas. We headed back into the world of agency choice and I just happened to look on the Holt International website. We sponsor six children though Holt and I have loved this agency for some time. I love their history and their faithful practices. Originally we weren't able to go with Holt because they did not have a program in Africa. We knew we were called to Africa so we had to look elsewhere. So, when I stopped into their site the other day, I found the greatest news! They expect to begin their Ethiopia program in the fall!!! They have completed the process to become an authorized agency and expect their approval to come through sometime in the next few months. All of this means that we have decided to use Holt International as our agency.

We have also made a decision to wait several months to pursue our adoption. We are feeling like we need a few months together after this deployment without the stress of paperwork and without having our focus be on the adoption. I tend to obsess about one thing at a time! We thought it might be good all the way around just to take a few months to focus on our relationship. All of that means that we'll give Holt some time to get their program up and running as well. We feel good about the decisions made in the past week. It does mean a slight change in this blog for a bit. It is still certainly meant to be our adoption blog but for the next few months it will be more of the Kelly and Nathan update blog. We've found that several of our friends and family members have enjoyed the blog and the ability to keep up with us. We'll keep updating about how Nathan is doing at home and how the job searches are going. We'll add pics of life here in Kansas and once we head back into the world of adoption paperwork, we'll certainly let you know!!

Thanks for your prayers and for keeping up with our blog. I'll probably post again at the end of the week before we head to Las Vegas and then you won't hear from me for a week. Keep praying for Nathan and for our job situation!

Flood Waters, Three Weeks, Home Study, and Baseball

***WARNING - SUPER LONG POST AHEAD***

Nathan has officially gone into no communication mode. As of today, there will be little to no communication with my dear husband as he begins the journey for home. He will spend about another week in Iraq and will then begin the trek home. He should arrive here in about three weeks. I can't even imagine how amazing it will be to finally live with the man I am so in love with. He will get to see his home for the very first time. He will meet Fat Frankie the Bulldog for the first time. He will see my very short haircut for the first time. He will live in the same state with his wife for the first time. It is all very exciting and I know that we are both filled with such anticipation right now.

I was so excited to have this perfect home to share with Nathan when he got here. This weekend, God taught me that perfection is not always what we get. Southeast Kansas had 10 inches of rain in three days. This has been the wettest summer in Kansas in many moons. The water table rose quickly and promtly flooded our beautiful finished basement. We spent the afternoon after church yesterday tearing out carpet and bringing my beautiful family room down to its bare 70s linoleum covered concrete floor. I was soooo sad that my favorite room in our house was now our ugliest room. BUT, after several hours of pouting and tears, God convinced me that life would still be okay and that I should be thankful that I have a home. I also got all excited that Nathan and I will get to remodel a room together this summer. We're both very much looking forward to having a project to work on together. So, it all worked out in the end but it sure made for an emotional weekend. Thankfully, I had my kick off party for my Jockey Person to Person business the night before the flood. The party went very well and I nearly hit my goal for the month. I have my next party this Thursday and I am excited about getting this business going.

As for Baseball, my MN Twins are doing beautifully and I have several very cute items for our boy's room. During our recent trip to OKC, I purchased some great things for the baby's room, which we are planning to decorate in baseball paraphenallia. I am unrealistically obsessed with the Minnesota Twins and Nathan loves them as well. If I hadn't mentioned this before, my dear mom is making a sweet quilt for the baby that has the alphabet in letters that look like baseballs. My mom has always been great with crafty things and so I'm sure it will be a wonderful gift for our son. Here are some pictures of the things I got:



We sort of won this sweet baseball pillow at Frontier City Six Flags. I played this football game and I couldn't get the football through the holes but the kid gave us the baseball anyway! :)



I am so in love with Pottery Barn for Kids. I had no idea this store existed until we saw it in an OKC mall. This baseball bat and the ball are so soft. If you hit the ball with the bat, or throw it against the wall, the ball makes sounds like a crowd cheering on a runner on the field. It is sooo adorable. I also bought a nightlight that looks like a baseball but I forgot to take a picture of it so you'll have to use your imagination.



I bought all of these wonderful books as well. Three of the books have something to do with baseball of course. My favorite is the Touch and Feel Baseball book. It has the textures of the baseball leather, the bat, the fabric of a baseball cap, and a piece of astroturf. The two other baseball books have wonderful messages about morals and teamwork and my favorite part is that both of them have children of various races represented. Also in the book pile is a great First Bible with the hard pages and a children's atlas. I also found this great book that takes place in Kenya. It is about a 130 year old Tortise and a baby Rhino who become best friends after the Rhino was stranded during the Tsunami. The greatest book of all in the pile is a book called Chowder. Its a sweet book about an English Bulldog named Chowder. He doesn't fit in at all with the other dogs because he is so different from them. He is sad because he can't be like the "normal" dogs. But, he has parents who love him oh so much and they take him to the petting zoo where he makes all sorts of new friends who don't look like him. It is such a wonderful book and it is sooooo representative of our sweet bulldog. BTW - I adore books!



This is a giant floor puzzle with pieces as big as my head. It has animals from all different regions. I thought it would be a neat way to teach our boy about different areas of the world and show him all the differnt animals that live all over the planet. It seemed like a fun toy. Also from Pottery Barn Kids!



This is our boy's first Twins bobblehead! It's retired hall of famer Bob Allison. I'm sure the boy will have a ton of bobbleheads before he moves out and goes to college!

Okay, well I know this post is incredibly long, but I've got one last bit of news! I talked to a great home study agency today. They were so great! Judy at Gladney suggested that I discuss our unique situation with the home study agency and see if they thought we needed to wait a while before proceeding with the adoption. Judy basically told me that if our home study social worker thought we were prepared, that Gladney would be alright. So, Heather, our new social worker extrodinaire talked to me for a while this afternoon. She told me that she needed to talk to the director of her agency and see what she thought. Heather said she'd call me back in a couple of days but instead she called me in an hour!!! She talked to the director and they decided it would be fine to proceed with the homestudy when Nathan got home!!!! Heather told me it would likely take us 5 weeks to get the paperwork together to send our homestudy packet in and get our visits started. She said she'd go ahead and send out our packet tomorrow!!!! I am sooo excited that we'll have a whole packet of paperwork to do!!! Nathan was hoping we could move forward soon as we'll have the entire month of August together before life gets really hectic. We were thinking that we could get a fair amount of paperwork chasing done together during that period before Nathan begins all his classes at Wichita State University. Anyway, this is just one more piece that indicates that this process is moving forward and I am sooo thrilled!!! I'll post again when we get the packet in the mail. Have a great Fourth everyone!

More Info on Moving Forward

Okay, I know I promised info on my trip to OKC but I am soooo tired right now. I've been running like crazy today between submitting resumes for jobs and drama practice with the teens and a meeting with my Jockey sponsor, I am wiped out. (BTW - I did end up getting an interview at the Andover city offices for a position as an administrative secretary! Please be praying that the interview would go well and they would want me. The interview is tomorrow, Friday, June 29th at 10 am.)

So, I'm not going to give the promised pictures but I did want to leave an update concerning my conversation with Judy at Gladney. She is such a sweet person and I really feel great about working with her. I talked to her for a bit about our situation and she said that Gladney or the home study agency might ask us to hold off just a bit but that hasn't been determined just yet. For right now, she gave me a list of documents I can begin to track down and suggested we find a home study agency. She also said that when Nathan gets home, we can go ahead and do the phone orientation. Nathan is really excited about that and was asking tonight about when we could get that orientation going. The whole process is very exciting for me and I adore paperwork so I'm hoping I have a tad bit less stress than some other folks have dealt with. Judy gave me a great website lead today also. www.vitalchek.com is a place you can go and purchase certified copies of birth certificates, death certificates, marriage certs, and divorce decrees from anywhere in the country for a minimal fee. So, the plan for now is to track down the certified copies of everything we need and to get Nathan and Karen (Nathan's mom) their passports.

I just got distracted and now I've lost my train of thought. I am so tired right now. I think I got the important info into this post so I'm giving up and going to bed now. Nathan said he counted 28 dots on the map today. I'm glad all 28 of you are reading this. I'm sorry tonight's post was so stupid. :) Good night all...

I Am So Blessed...

I've been back from Oklahoma City for a few hours now and I missed my blog the last few days. I also missed my dogs and my house and my bed. I have so much to say about OKC and about some updates on the adoption process and about some cuuuuute items I got for our little one and about the wonderful Ethiopian restaurant we ate at but all those things must wait. Tomorrow I will update with photos and fun details but tonight I have something else I must share.

While I was away I got some terrible news about a friend's situation. To protect her privacy, I won't share any of the details but please pray for her. Pray for peace and for the gentle comfort that only God can give when we are in indescribable pain. Pray for strength and for love and for blessings. Please just ask the Lord to give you the right prayers for this amazing woman. She is one of my dearest friends and I know that she believes in the power of prayer. Her situation is one that caused me to reflect this evening on how grateful I am to be blessed with such an amazing husband. I've devoted a blog (see:waitingonnate.blogspot.com) to sharing my feelings on his deployment to Iraq. But, here I would just like to share a little of my heart for this unbelievable man. Despite the fact that I have never actually lived in the same house as my husband and we have been married a year and a half, he is such an incredible part of my daily life. (I am rocking out the run on sentances this evening...I apologize) Nathan is rock steady. He is my stability, my logic, my voice of reason in the midst of my own craziness. He keeps me going throughout this terribly long journey of ours. He is my encourager, my leader, my supporter, my biggest fan, and my best friend. He is my humor on the humorless days and my sunshine on the darkest days. He makes me believe that I can be the person he thinks I am. He makes me believe that I am beautiful and smart and funny. He has taught me to trust when all other men have taught me to fight. He has taught me to have faith when a situation seems hopeless. He has taught me a little bit about what the love of Christ is like. He isn't perfect by any means but he is a true blessing. He is my heart and for the first time in my life, Nathan has shown me what it feels like to be home.

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As Nathan Calls It - Finance Poop

It's 10:15 pm and I'm preparing to leave for Oklahoma City tomorrow after church with five teens from my youth group. We'll be heading down to stay at Southern Nazarene University so that they can do a college visit and we can play in the city for a couple of days. We'll be returning on Wednesday just before evening church services.

When you're the youth director at a church, everything major revolves around the summer. I keep thinking about what next summer will look like and how it will play out. I am hoping and praying that we will be able to travel to pick up our son sometime next summer. We are praying right now that Nathan and I will be blessed with jobs that will allow us to move forward quickly with this adoption. For the time being I am making very little money doing home daycare for some friends. The youth director position is volunteer. We have been living on Nathan's income from his military service. In just a few short weeks, we will both be searching for full time positions and we are praying that we will find two places that can supply all of our needs and put us in a good position to continue on the path to our son. Please pray with us that God would provide in this area and that we would see His plan for our lives through our job searching. We have both been submitting resumes for a couple of months now with little response but we are trusting God's provision and His timing.

On that same subject, I have stumbled into an opportunity that I am really excited about. As of this week, I will become a Jockey Person to Person Comfort Consultant. I never thought I would get involved with a direct sales business but I LOVE this product line and I love the woman who brought me into the business. It is just getting off the ground as a direct sales company for the woman's clothing line that is produced by Jockey (the underwear company!). The product is wonderful and the opportunity is wonderful. I love that the sizes range from extra small to 3X so that all woman can enjoy the super comfy stuff that I'll be selling. Anyway, please pray with me that this would be an opportunity that would bless our finances and our lives in general. BTW - Nathan and I believe that this is what God is leading me to do mainly because of Jockey's corporate support of adoption. They have an incredible adoption benefit for their corporate employees and they run a post-adoption program for adoptive families all over the country. The founder of the Jockey Person to Person clothing line is adopted herself! Once we discovered this information, we were thrilled that I had the chance to become involved with a company that supports what we are so focused on, the adoption of children! You can check out Jockey's corporate adoption programs at www.jockeybeingfamily.com.

You can also check out the clothing line that I am selling at www.jockeyp2p.com. If you are interested in supporting my business by making a purchase from the catalog or if you are interested in selling Jockey Person to Person yourself, go ahead and leave a comment for me and I'll help you in any way that I can.

BTW - I noticed my dots are growing in number on the map! Thank you all for taking this journey with us. I am so encouraged just to know that people are reading. And Jane - Just so you know - Your blog was the very first Ethio Adoption blog I ever read. When you left your first comment, I told Nathan I felt like a celebrity had contacted me!!! :) I am so thrilled that you are here and I pray for your family. Thank you for your kind words and for your beautiful blog.

Be blessed everyone! See you when I get back from OKC!!!

Job 1:21

I've seen this amazing video several times on several blogs but it is worth posting again. This little life is so precious and so showing of the need to find God's blessings in all things at all times. I was so touched by this dad's decision to share his son with the world. I am touched deeply every time I watch this video. I hope you will be too.

Nathan - Do not watch this video until you come home. I love you with everything that is in me...

Culture and Language

A few days ago someone commented, wondering how our child would be able to retain his culture and language. We have discussed this particular issue over and over again. Obviously, being a black, Ethiopian born child in a white, American born family has its difficulties. There isn't a way that we can give him the level of culture and language he would have if he were to stay in Ethiopia. But there are ways that we intend to continue to honor his heritage and teach him all about the place he is from. To begin with, I have an incredible, indescribeable passion for Africa. I have always loved and been drawn to Africa. I visited Kenya, one of Ethiopia's bordering neighbors, in January. I often miss Africa and intend to travel there many times. Nathan has traveled extensively and is open to traveling often. We both intend to return to Ethiopia as often as possible with our little one. We hope to be able to travel at least once every other year. The best way to give our son a love for his native country is to bring him there and allow him to develop his own affection for Africa. In addition to travel, we intend to eat ethiopian food at home (or as close as I can get to Ethiopian food in my kitchen!) We also intend to study Ethiopian history in our home and to talk to our son about his birth family and about his country on a regular basis. As far as language goes, I am attempting to learn Amharic as we wait for our adoption process to continue. I speak, read and write Arabic and I believe I am capable of learning at least some base level of the Amharic language. We are intending to adopt an infant. Language may not be something he is interested in as he grows but I do desire to try to grow a passion for language in his life.

The bottom line is, we will do everything we can do to teach our son about where he comes from. We want him to develop his own identity and we want his Ethiopian heritage to be a part of that identity. He will be an American. He will lean toward his American upbringing because that will be the prominent influence in his life. We don't believe that being an American robs him of identity; it just changes the face of who he will grow to be. What we do believe is that if he stays in Ethiopia, he may not live to be an adult. He may never have the opportunity to become the man the Lord desires him to be. Both Nathan and I have stood face to face with the orphans of this world. We have both held sweet, starving, sick young ones in our arms. There are faces of children we could not help that will haunt us forever. Adopting our son is and will be a blessing in our lives and we pray that it will also be a blessing in his life. We will do all we can to teach him about Ethiopia and more importantly, we will do all that we can to teach him about Jesus and to teach him that he is a child of the Most High God. We will pray for him continually and we will love him with all that we have. We pray that that will be enough to raise him into a man that he will be proud to be.

Library Categories

Earlier today I took the kids to the library for our weekly visit to pick up more books. The older kids were all set up on the library computers playing educational games so I decided to go ahead and take the little one upstairs with me to see if there were any books on adoption that I haven't already purchased. (I've bought so many books at this point! Now I just need to find time to read them between the four kids in the house all day and the thirty teenagers in the youth group.) I went into the online card catalog and found the section that had the adoption books. There were three. Two of them were on domestic adoption. One of them was on international adoption and it didn't look to have a whole lot of information contained within. As disappointing as that was, when I looked on either side of the adoption books, I found books on child abuse and children with ADD and children with emotional and behavioral difficulties. I was shocked that this was the category of books that adoption should fall under. Is there not a place in a public library where adoption books make more sense? Does it say something about the thoughts of the person who categorizes books? Are my children going to be considered "difficult, hard to handle, abused" just because they are adopted? I know of at least one member of our family who believes that our child will be a "bad seed" because we won't give birth to him. Apparently, this is a common misconception, that children who are adopted have terrible issues, that they won't be a blessing but rather, a curse to the family who chooses adoption. I know that our children will have questions, doubts, fears, anxieties, insecurities, all that stem from the loss of their birth family. I pray that we will have the resources, the education, and most of all, the love necessary to help our children through these times. I pray that even through the pain, he will find joy in the love of two families, the family that chose life for him and loved him enough to want the best possible situation for him, and the family that chose to be his forever family, to give him love for the rest of his life, chose to be his mommy and daddy because he is that important. I know all of our days won't be perfect or easy and he won't always be the perfect child and we won't always be the perfect parents, but I believe that God has called us to this journey. I will not be discouraged by other's thoughts or fears, nor will I be discouraged by library categories.

Big News!!!!

Nathan and I decided last night to send in our first piece of paperwork today. We just submitted our adoption information sheet to Gladney Center for Adoptions! We made our final agency decision and went with Gladney. Now our info sheet and our family picture are in the hands of the agency. The next step is for Gladney to approve us to apply and send us the application packet!

We have officially begun!!!!

Here is the family pic I sent to Gladney...

Another Decision Made

God continues to move us closer to the design He has for our family. Although we have always felt that there are two children waiting for us in Africa, we never considered the possibility that we may not bring them home at the same time. I am learning from my daycare children that it is important for me to begin with an infant, just one infant. I think our hearts to bring home an older child were very much driven by our sense of compassion for orphans and our desire to help the children who don't have an easy time finding a forever home. I don't think that our desires have changed but it is important for us to be realistic about what we can handle. We are not parents yet and we need to take things slowly, really hear what God is calling us to. With all that in mind, we made a decision today to request one infant. I believe, and Nathan has shared this desire many times, that we will pursue another adoption in Ethiopia. Neither of us believes that this journey will be the last of our adoption journies. We've both expressed a desire to adopt a teenager when our first children reach their teen years. I know that we will return to Ethiopia. I have peace that this trip is meant to be a journey for our very first son. I believe that God is using our experiences to guide us and I am so thankful for that. I am so thrilled at the prospect that our dear, sweet son could be in my arms sometime next year. I am thrilled that we have made this decision. I feel like things are moving forward.

Oh, and did I mention, my crib stealing mother in law helped me pick out a wonderful rocker/glider to rock her grandson in?!! Well, she did and it is wonderful. Now lets just hope she buys it for me! (Karen - I'm fond of the solid fabric and the ottoman is great too! :) )

http://www.bestchairs.com/bcpublic/productDetail.do?option=&product=C2517DP&category=CL

My Sweet Canine Kids

For those of you who consider your dogs children, I thought I'd share my sweet boys. Nathan is NOT a dog person but he tolerates the boys on my behalf. Hope you enjoy my Whiskey Dog and his brother, Fat Frankie!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Agencies, Daycare, and A Husband Coming Home

In case anyone was worried, I have fully recovered from the crib incident. In fact, I went to Target yesterday with four kids and saw several pregnant women. Not a one of them made me cry!

Four kids. It makes for an interesting day! It seems that God knows my heart and hears my prayers. He has blessed me with the opportunity to care for four wonderful children five days a week until Nathan comes home. Through a series of God directed events, I am now the home day care provider for these four children, ages 10, 8, 7, and 1.5. They are amazing children to watch and to share my days with. I feel so content, so relaxed when they are around. It is odd how a house full of children can make you feel so complete. I still very much long for our own children to come home but caring for the children of friends is such a blessing. It has been such a wonderful experience, poopy diapers and all, that Nathan and I are discussing the possibility of starting our own home daycare business in the Fall once he gets settled in. The only concern I have on this issue is how it may affect the families once our adoption takes place. I know that we will need to have our children be the only children in the house for a while and I don't want to put other families out once it is time for us to go pick up our babies. If anyone has any thoughts on this issue, please leave a comment and let me know what you think.

On another topic, Nathan and I have been researching agencies and initially felt very drawn to AAI out of Washington state. The more I read, the more I become interested in the Gladney Center for Adoption. For some reason, my heart keeps pulling in that direction. Nathan said yesterday that he is feeling the same way. There are so many decisions that can and will affect the rest of our lives. It seems that chosing an agency is one of those decisions. We believe that God has chosen our children, that He knows them and therefore, knows where we must find them. I need to know that our decision about an agency is God directed and NOT Kelly and Nathan directed. So, there we are with the agency issue. No decisions yet. Just prayer.

My last topic of the day is the most exciting one of all! Nathan will be home in just over a month. A month from today, he will be out of Iraq and in the process of returning home to me!!!! As with all things Army, we know that timelines are always subject to change but I'm getting excited just the same. The one interesting tidbit is that I will be traveling July 14 - 20 taking my youth from church on their very first mission trip to Las Vegas. I know...I'm taking teens to Las Vegas...For those of you who think I'm nuts, just remember this: We are called by the most high God to bring the Gospel of His Son to all people, even the least of these. The people in Las Vegas need Jesus. They desperately need Jesus. My youth are on fire for Jesus and they have a wonderful faith that He can change lives. Most of these kids I spend my teaching time with have serious issues. Nearly all of them would be considered "high risk" for things like drug and alcohol use, crime, teenage sex. But none of them want to give in to the labels the world puts on them. They want to succeed and to live their lives for Jesus. I'm so proud of each of them and I can't think of a better group of people to bring Jesus to a lost and dying world. So, how does this pertain to Nathan's grand return? It appears that he will arrive here in Kansas while I am in Las Vegas. I wait two years for this man, and the one week the Army decides to send him home is the one week I positively cannot be present and accounted for. But isn't that the way things go...

Until next time...

Crib Causes Breakdown

Today was one of those days that started out with a ton of potential and turned into a meltdown nightmare.

I went garage saleing with my mother in law this morning and it started off rather fun. We were both excited for a girl's day out together and we knew we'd find some fun treasures. We headed out and shopped a few sales and even ran into a cousin and her five wonderful children. I promptly volunteered to take the five kids any weekend that she and her wonderful husband wanted to journey out on their own. She was thrilled and promised to take me up on the offer sooner rather than later. While we were at that particular sale, I found the sweetest little tuxedo for two dollars and decided it was something I had to have. (Mind you, I bought my wedding dress nearly two years before I met my husband. Sometimes a certain thing just has to come home with you.) So, then we head on to another batch of sales and out of the corner of my eye, I see this beautiful crib. I decide we should go around the block and look at some other things first and if it was still there when we were done, I'd take a look at it. We finally arrive at the house with the crib and I am instantly in love. It is solid oak, not a scratch on it. It is one of those fabulous convertible beds that goes from crib to toddler bed to twin bed to queen bed. I suggest that it would be perfect and I could set it up in our guest room as a twin or queen bed for now. I am getting nearly giddy because I know that no matter who our child is to be, this bed will work. It would be just as useful for an eight year old as it would be for a infant. So, I'm convinced that along with my two dollar tuxedo, I need this crib/bed contraption. My mother in law is not nearly as convinced. She mentions that I don't even have the potential to have children right now, so I do NOT need this bed. Well, that just hit me right in the gut. I know she is right. My husband is thousands of miles away and our adoption process isn't even close to being started. I just wanted to be excited about this great bed. I think I just want to be excited about our kids without someone shooting me down.

To make matters worse, I suggest we call my brother in law and tell him about the bed. I obviously wasn't thinking. My brother in law has one son and another baby on the way. He does need a bed like that. He bought the bed. I'm glad that the bed will be useful for them. They apparently DO have the potential to have children at this time.

Due to this unforseen emotional crisis with this lovely oak bed, I've been bawling throughout the day at the most ridiculous times. I can't seem to stop crying.

Nathan is online now. I'll end for tonight.

Ethiopian Adoption Friends

The Pre-Journey

Yesterday was a bit of a down day for me. Even though we haven't started our process yet, we are fully engaged in discussion and obsession about our children and about all of the possibilities that exist. Throughout our discussion process, I go up and I go down. There are days that I can't wait another minute and I want to fill out the paperwork today even though it won't make a bit of difference. Then there are days that my trust button turns on and I am able to see the Lord working in us to prepare us for our children. These are the days that allow me to relax and be hopeful and excited.

As a part of my preparation for adopting an older child, I have taken on the task of watching the eight year old daughter of one of the parents of a teen in my youth group (I'm the youth director at our church). She spends five hours a day with me, four days a week. It is a minute glimpse into what life as a stay at home mom might be like. She arrives at 7 am and leaves between noon and one. We watch the Disney channel and she swims in the pool (the water is still far too cold for me). I make her breakfast and feed her healthy snacks. She offers to help with things and it makes my heart melt. Then she refuses to wake from her nap, and I realize that eight year olds aren't all fun and games. She is wonderful to have around and I've realized in the short time that she has been here that I am already incredibly protective of her. I want to shield her from any of the garbage that I see pouring out of our television. I want to make sure that she doesn't hit her head in the pool and I remind her to be careful over and over again, despite her fish like ability to manuever in the water. Her presence in our home is teaching me how desperate my heart is for children of our own. I know that Nathan's presence in our home in just six short weeks will make my longing for children all the more strong.

I've also been thinking about the purpose of this blog for the next six months. Most people begin their blogs sometime near the start of their paperwork process. I've got a solid six months to go before we are even able to submit our application. So, I believe that this will be a place of refuge for our emotional journey from here to the beginning of our paperwork journey. I pray that it will be a place where I can be encouraged and maybe a place where searching people will be able to find their own call to adopt. Maybe it is just the only way I can feel like I am DOING something other than just waiting for our 2nd anniversary. (Our agency will not let us apply to adopt until we have been married two years.) I think that I will share some of our unique decisions, such as using birth control and desiring to adopt an older child, and the reasons behind those decisions. I'm sure I will share many tidbits of entirely useless information. I hope that I can touch someone's life through this blog as I have been so touched by the blogs of so many others. If you do choose to follow along with us, we are grateful for your presence. We covet your prayers, first for God's will in our lives, but also for a job for Nathan that will allow us to proceed with our adoption plans in December, for our ability to downsize our lives and spend money wisely, for paitence for me as we wait to begin the process, for a wonderful reunion with Nathan in July, for Nathan's reintegration into our lives and into American society, for our children - whomever they are, for their safety and for great amounts of love in their lives, for our children's family - that they would be held in the hands of God and that they would know that their children will be loved and cared for, for God's provision as I move forward on plans to travel to Ethiopia in March to help out in the Layla House and AHOPE orphanages, and just for peace for our families throughout this process. We thank you for being a part of our lives through this blog. We thank you for your prayers. Most of all we thank all of you adoption bloggers for the amazing insight you have all given us as we stand on the edge of persuing our own children.

Isaiah 43:1

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."

I began blogging when I was struggling deeply with my husband's deployment to Iraq. His name is Nathan, by the way. I didn't blog regularly, and despite his still current status in Iraq, I don't often visit that blog. I go there when I have no where else to go, no one else to talk to. Today, it seems, I have spoken enough about our dreams of adoption. No one but Nathan wants to hear any more about it. Partly because we can't begin our adoption yet due to the ever continuing saga of deployment and partly, I think, because our (make that Nathan's) family isn't really convinced that this will happen. So, I find myself without anyone to talk to again. This time it concerns my children, last time it was my husband.

I believe that the above quoted scripture is God's strong voice in my life. Nathan and I have been "unconventional" from the beginning. I think many of his family members are still reeling from our decision to marry just before a deployment. Maybe they are still reeling from our decision to marry after a short long distance courtship. Maybe they are reeling from his choice of a rather unconventional wife (at least by mid western standards). Since we met, we've been on a steady diet of God's surprises and His radical moves in our lives. Adoption has been part of our discussion since our second date. Africa has been a part of our hearts for well over a year. Ethiopia became our focus just a short while ago. We believe that there are two children out there who are ours, who wait for us. I can already feel them in my heart. We are open to who God has chosen for us and we are standing on His faithfulness to reveal our children to us. I believe that God responds to willing hearts. Nathan and I have never had a desire to be ordinary or to be comfortable. We want to live a life that is led by the Creator, the Navigator, the Guide. We want to raise children who will live unashamed of the Gospel, who will live radical, sold out lives for Jesus. Children learn by experience, not by lip service.

So here we are "redeemed" believing that we have been "summoned" as have our children. We are trusting Him, putting our sold out faith in His Word, His promise that He has summoned each of us by name, that He knows each of our children, and that we are all His. Nathan is due home in July. We don't desire to wait much beyond his return to pursue our children. We desire to trust God and believe that He is faithful and that He will lead us and guide us. If you are reading this, you have become my outlet, my go to person, the one who will not judge but who understands. I pray that our family will soon join your ranks and get on board. If they do not, we will press on. Our children's lives depend on our persistence and our faithfulness.