Are We Ready For This?!

Throughout the past week I've been on this crazy emotional rollercoaster where I fling myself from absolutely elated to absolutely terrified. We are so excited to meet Thomas and we are praying that all will go well, that Thomas will like us and want to be a part of our family, that the visits will be positive and won't be horribly difficult for Thomas, etc, etc. There is so much that goes through your mind as you wait. I've read other women, on other blogs, panic and stress and worry their hearts out as they wait for thier child. I don't know how some of them were able to wait months after a referral to meet the ones they've been waiting their whole lives for. I can't focus on anything other than Thomas. I want to see him and touch him and make sure he is alright. I want to be the best mother in the world for him. I want him to be able to grow into a place where he actually feels like I am his mother. I am so worried about so many things. How can I parent a 10 year old when I haven't ever parented before? How will I know what he needs and wants? How will I be able to guide him and raise him to be the man God wants him to be? How much will he eat? Does he sleep okay? Does he like hugs? Does he want a mom? Will he ever feel like my son? The list goes on and on of all the things running through my head. I don't want to hurt him or let anyone else hurt him. I don't want him to feel pain and disappointment. I know these things are inevitable and I know they are a crucial part of him becoming a man, but I want to shield him anyway.

I know that God has brought Thomas into our lives. I pray that Thomas will choose us and will want to be a permanant part of our family, a Winzer forever. I know that God will give me the strength and the grace to parent a 10 year old boy. None of that changes how worried I am about him and about his life and his future and his hopes and dreams and self esteem. I feel like there aren't enough parenting books in the world to help me know how to do the very best for Thomas. Even as I typed that last sentance, I could hear the Lord speaking, there is only one parenting book I need. There is only one way to guide Thomas through this life. The Word, Jesus Christ, Prayer, Faith.

I've decided that nothing about this parenting gig is going to be easy...