Oh How Life Can Change

I haven't blogged here since January of 2008. I'm sure that any readers I used to have are now long gone but that is okay. We'll just have to start over again.

I've been feeling a need to share our experience on a more personal level lately so I'm drawn back to this blog. It seems that a lifetime has gone by since we were new to adoption and waiting so impatiently to become a happy family. What we have learned in that lifetime could fill books upon books.

I can't even begin to really touch on what has happened but I will give you the nutshell version. We legally adopted Thomas in July of 2008 and very quickly began to pursue another son, Isaiah. He was nine at the time. He moved into our home in December of 08 and we will be legally adopting him within the next couple of months. In January of 2009 we discovered we are pregnant with our third child and about a month ago we discovered that our baby is also a boy! So we are again impatiently awaiting the arrival of another son. In addition to our third boy, we are also deep into the process of licensing to do emergency placement foster care through the Wichita Children's Home. (Oh, did I mention we sold our house and moved into Wichita into a 100 year old giant beast of a house since I last blogged as well!?)

I will say that there are a lot of emotions running high around here. There is so much more to parenting children who've spent their lives in the system than I could have ever imagined. I know that much of what we deal with on a daily basis is true for many adoptive parents. Even when you adopt children from overseas you can run into the same issues that we have. Parenting kids who've been abandoned, abused, and neglected can be excruciatingly painful. No matter what your child has been through prior to arriving in your home, you will inevitably deal with the loss your child has suffered through the process of adoption.

At our house, loss and pain are daily visitors. We've become accustomed to the realities of our children's lives and we welcome the conversations we have. Their struggles are no longer visitors to our home, they have made themselves comfortable.

Interestingly enough, I've decided to revisit this blog on mother's day. Today is a great day to approach the issue of pain. Today is merely a reminder of what they have lost. So, we are avoiding it as much as possible. Avoidance is not always a bad thing.

Sorry for the disjointedness of this entry. I'll try to flesh out more tomorrow. Until then, know that I have returned for more on the journey of adoption, parenting, and perseverance.

A Must Read for Moms of Kids with Past Mom Trauma

http://fletcherclan.blogspot.com/2009/05/happy-frickin-mothers-day.html

Goodnight My Kiddo

I just tucked my boy into bed after our nightly prayers and our chapter from the first book of the Chronicles of Narnia. I can't tell you what an amazing blessing it is to love that child. He is a light. We had a wonderful day together, just he and I and some of his new friends. We went to a fun filled place called Allstar Sports Adventures and he and his new friend Zach rode the go carts in the cold and we all played tons of arcade games till we could hardly stand it any longer and cashed in all our tickets for useless junk that makes us all smile. Not all days as a parent are perfect but today sure did come close.

For those of you who waited through many trials to become parents, you know what it means to look into the face of that dream come true and feel a love that doesn't exist outside of parenting. You know it more sweetly than most others who can often seem to take their children for granted. Nathan and I sure did not have the multitude of struggles that others have had but I do know some of what it means to wait, and to want a child so badly and not be in the right position at the right time. I never thought I would become a parent in the way that we have but I wouldn't change a single thing about our path. If one moment were different, I wouldn't be Thomas' mother.

I'm deliriously tired from a long day of boys and video games but I just had to come and post about how amazingly blessed I am to have just tucked in my very own kiddo, to have given him his goodnight hug and have him hold me just a little bit longer, to see his droopy eyelids close over his beautifully perfect sky blue eyes after a day of unadulterated kid fun, and to know that there will never be a day for the rest of time, that I am not his mother.

Great Pics from Christmas and Bowling

So Much Happening, So Little Blogging

It has been nearly two months since I blogged a single, solitary word. Life has been crazy and wonderful and exciting. I don't even know where to begin. Thomas turned 11 on Thanksgiving. We met him for the first time two days later and we've been doing visits ever since. He is this wonderful little guy and has already become such an amazing part of our lives. We've had our ups and downs during visits and we've had a lot of bonding moments. Nathan and I are so in love with Thomas and we are thrilled about having him in our lives. He really became our son so quickly and we can't wait until he moves in permanently. If all goes as scheduled he should move into our house on January 18th.

The amazing thing about the past two months is how God has truly orchestrated our family coming together. We were so afraid about becoming parents of a 10/11 year old. We were afraid we wouldn't know what to say or how to take care of him. God has truly made our time together such a blessing. I can't imagine now what life would have been like if Thomas had never been a part of our family. Nathan and I have been so motivated to tell others about how amazing this experience is. There are so many fears that surround adopting a child from the foster care system let alone an older child. We in no way want to give the impression that any of this is easy on us or on Thomas. There are so many obstacles and there are a lot of emotions that must be dealt with. The bottom line is, Thomas is a sweet, talented, intelligent, loving kid who needs and wants a family. He isn't a monster, or a fire starter, or an enemy. He isn't what so many people think he ought to be because of his past. In just a few short visits, he has become my son, for better or worse, forever. We want more people to know that there are so many children in this country who could be amazing additions to families everywhere. God has a plan for these kids and you could be part of that plan. You could be blessed by an amazing kiddo who is a survivor and courageous and resilient. Thomas has changed our world for the better. We miss him when he isn't here and we wait, very impatiently, for him to become a permanent part of our family.

As for this blog, I'm sorry I've left you all hanging for a while. I intend to write more from now on. I'd love to keep you all updated on how Thomas is doing and how things are progressing. If you are interested in more of the details of adoption through the foster care system, email me at bignateswife@hotmail.com and I'd be glad to talk with you more about the process and the steps involved to pursue one of the great kiddos waiting for a home. You could also check out the Kansas Children's Service League website for more information at www.kcsl.org.

Until next time, be blessed...

Are We Ready For This?!

Throughout the past week I've been on this crazy emotional rollercoaster where I fling myself from absolutely elated to absolutely terrified. We are so excited to meet Thomas and we are praying that all will go well, that Thomas will like us and want to be a part of our family, that the visits will be positive and won't be horribly difficult for Thomas, etc, etc. There is so much that goes through your mind as you wait. I've read other women, on other blogs, panic and stress and worry their hearts out as they wait for thier child. I don't know how some of them were able to wait months after a referral to meet the ones they've been waiting their whole lives for. I can't focus on anything other than Thomas. I want to see him and touch him and make sure he is alright. I want to be the best mother in the world for him. I want him to be able to grow into a place where he actually feels like I am his mother. I am so worried about so many things. How can I parent a 10 year old when I haven't ever parented before? How will I know what he needs and wants? How will I be able to guide him and raise him to be the man God wants him to be? How much will he eat? Does he sleep okay? Does he like hugs? Does he want a mom? Will he ever feel like my son? The list goes on and on of all the things running through my head. I don't want to hurt him or let anyone else hurt him. I don't want him to feel pain and disappointment. I know these things are inevitable and I know they are a crucial part of him becoming a man, but I want to shield him anyway.

I know that God has brought Thomas into our lives. I pray that Thomas will choose us and will want to be a permanant part of our family, a Winzer forever. I know that God will give me the strength and the grace to parent a 10 year old boy. None of that changes how worried I am about him and about his life and his future and his hopes and dreams and self esteem. I feel like there aren't enough parenting books in the world to help me know how to do the very best for Thomas. Even as I typed that last sentance, I could hear the Lord speaking, there is only one parenting book I need. There is only one way to guide Thomas through this life. The Word, Jesus Christ, Prayer, Faith.

I've decided that nothing about this parenting gig is going to be easy...

INTRODUCING...

THOMAS!!!! It is a bit of a long story but I wanted to let you all know that in just about ten days, we will meet our very first son! His name is Thomas and he is ten years old. The social worker who we worked with regarding the Dynamic Duo called us and said that they had just done a staffing on a kiddo that would be perfect for our home. He told us about him and we instantly felt like Thomas was an answer to our prayers. We have asked the Lord, night after night, to send the children that He has for us. Thomas's social worker told us that the one thing Thomas really wanted was a family that was involved in church. We aren't anything, if not involved in church!

We can't wait to meet our Thomas! We've told some people about him and we can't wait to be able to tell everyone about meeting him in just ten short days. I can't believe I'm going to be a mom! It really has been amazing how God has taken our journey through so many thoughts and options and has landed us at one place we'd never really thought of. We already feel so incredibly blessed to be given the gift of Thomas and his young life. We can't wait to meet him and learn all about him and share our lives with him. We will most certainly post pictures and let you all know how it goes.

We, first and foremost, want to thank God in prayer for His faithfulness and His grace and the blessing of Thomas. We'd also like to ask that you would continue to pray for a job for Nathan. He is going for his call back interview with Coca Cola tomorrow afternoon and we are praying that the Lord would open this door. We are hoping to have the blessing of homeschooling Thomas for at least his first year with us and we can't do that without a better position for Nathan. Pray for Thomas as this is going to be a big transition for him and we know that he will have to grieve his losses of everything and everyone he knows. Pray that he would feel loved and know that he is permanent here in our home. Pray for new friends for him as well. Pray for us, that we would be the parents Thomas deserves and that we would give him grace and give ourselves grace as we all adjust to one another. Pray that our first meeting goes really well and that Thomas feels positive about us.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support! We love you!

Moving Right Along

We had our home inspection, done by the Wichita Children's Home, on Monday. It went really well. We both felt really comfortable with the two social workers who came out the house. They were both entertained by Frankie the Bulldog and his crazy sidekick, Lamar the Cat. It was interesting to say the least! :) Despite our crazy animals, our social workers liked us and were excited about having us on board. We submitted our KS criminal background check and child abuse registry check forms last week. In the mail today, our licensing packet should have arrived. (Nathan is on his way home at this moment to check on the whereabouts of said packet!) On Monday evening, we begin our seven week course, called Deciding Together, otherwise known as DT. We are both so excited!!!

Other neat pieces of news: As of next week, I will be half time at the office. Once we license I will be a full time momma but for now, I'll be working four hours a day. I'm excited about this change. It will be wonderful to have more time at home to keep things in order and more time with my church kiddos. I've really been missing them since I went to work full time. Also, through my job, I met a great artist, she is the local art teacher at the high school. She painted a wonderful mural at the Child Advocacy Center and she and I are working on the possibility of her painting murals in both bedrooms that we will be using for all the kiddos. She told me today not to worry about the money, we'd work something out, because she thought Nathan and I are doing such a great thing. I thought that was really generous of her. Her work is really beautiful and I've already got some ideas of how I'd like her to paint our rooms. Also, Nathan's grandparents apparently snagged us a really nice stroller so he's bringing that home today too. He told me that his cousin Lindsay, might have a nice convertible crib we could buy. We are wanting two convertible cribs, so that we can adjust to accommodate whatever ages of kiddos we might get. I went to a yard sale on my way to work this morning and got a bunch of little girls clothes, a crib sheet and bumper set for a girl, a neat bouncy play pen, a little boys bike, a toddler bed for a boy, and some cute little toys. I was pretty excited about those finds! And the greatest news of all for today is, Nathan finally was called for an interview with Hawker Beechcraft for the internship they wanted to create for him. He said it went really well and he expects to hear more from them sometime next week, so be praying for this job!!!

So, all in all, there is a lot happening right now. As is usually the case with our lives with God, when we're finally on His path, things move at warp speeds. It can often take us a while to figure out just where we're headed but every change seems to have brought us closer to where He wants us to be. I'm so excited about where we're at and I'm looking forward to what happens next! Be blessed all...

More Stuff

After a lot of prayer and discussion, we have decided that the dynamic duo is not the right match for our home. It was a very hard decision because these boys are desperately in need of a home. We wanted so badly to be a good match for them, but we are not. We are praying for a good home for them and we would ask that you would do the same.

Thinking about the boys and working toward a decision about them has really opened our hearts to some different things. We have a good friend, whose oldest son is in our youth group, that does emergency placement for infants and toddlers. She and her family take in these little ones for the first 72 hours of police protective custody. During that time, social workers work to find an appropriate long term placement for the child. If the child goes into care long term, the emergency placement family has the option of taking the child in for a longer period. If the parental rights are terminated for the child, then they have the opportunity to adopt the child. Our friends have adopted three of their four children this way. After some more thought and prayer, we have decided that this might be the right path for us. It would require that I stay at home and Nathan have a much better job than the one he has right now. We still have not heard anything from Hawker Beechcraft but Nathan did interview at Coca Cola yesterday morning so we are hopeful about that position. We have chosen to go through training with the agency that our friends work with, called Wichita Children's Home. We have a home inspection with one of the recruiters for the children's home on Monday evening. We are excited about this new possibility but as always are praying for God's continued leading. Thank you for keeping up with us. We love you all!

More Progress

About the middle of last week I was browsing around a webpage that has a photolisting of waiting kiddos in the Kansas foster care system. I came upon a pair of brothers who caught my attention. Of course, lots of kids catch my attention but these two in particular stayed with me. A couple of days later I sent the link to their photo and description to Nathan. The two brothers immediately caught Nathan's attention as well. We decided to call about these two and find out more information. For now, I'll refer to the boys as Batman and Robin, the Dynamic Duo. I'm sure I'll be updating lots of info on the boys but I'll try to remain as vague as possible for their privacy and protection at this point.

So far we have had two in depth conversations with social workers who know the Dynamic Duo. We have received a ton of information, all of which we are processing now. On Saturday, our first home inspection will occur as well as a meeting with the Dynamic Duo's closest case worker. We'll call the worker Bob Kane (the original Batman Artist). So Bob Kane will be coming on Saturday to discuss the Duo with us at length and answer any questions Nathan or I have. Both conversations that have occured at this point were conversations I had. It will be nice to sit down with Bob and discuss the boys with Nathan present as well. At this point we are very excited about the Duo. They are 6 and 7 years old and they have a lot of needs that we are attempting to educate ourselves on. Although we are taking their situation very seriously, we don't believe at this point that this is something we are unable to handle. Making the Duo our forever kiddos will require some really amazing life changes for Nathan and I. We are discussing these changes and how they will impact us and our marriage, our jobs, our home, our families, etc, etc. I don't have any concrete information in terms of whether or not we will be pursuing the adoption of the Duo but I can say that we are both thrilled about the two at this point and are in the process of finding out more information.

There are obviously many things we need prayer for at this time. We are praying for clarity as to whether or not the Duo are meant to be our kids. We are praying for continued success with the Hawker Beechcraft job possibility. We can't feed two growing superheros on the money we're making now so this job is the key to pursuing the Dynamic Duo. We are praying for God's will in all of this; His will for our family as well as for the Duo. We are praying for peace with whatever our decision may end up being as well as for patience throughout the process. We are praying for clarity and peace for our families and friends as we pursue the Duo. We are praying that there would be support from our entire network and that they would be as excited as we are about the possibility of adding two superheros to our family. Please be in prayer with us on all those fronts. God's will is the most important thing in this journey of ours. Please let us know if you get any good thoughts from your prayer time regarding this wonderful development.

Be Blessed!